


You Are Worth It

by Toothlessturtle21



Series: Ninjago Shipping Collection [1]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Cole Feels Bad, Cole just wants to help, Depressed Zane, First Kiss, Getting Together, Give Zane Some Love Y'all, I Need More Glacier Angst, Lots of Cuddling, M/M, Mental Health Issues, New Boyfriends, Sadness, Sleeping in the same bed, Some Fluff, Zane's Not Suicidal I Promise, glaciershipping - Freeform, mentioned suicidal thoughts, poor zane is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 04:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17891936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toothlessturtle21/pseuds/Toothlessturtle21
Summary: Cole has always felt butterflies around the Ninja of Ice, but he has to suppress these feelings when he finds Zane so very close to the edge of the Bounty's railing, fingers slipping. While Zane reassures him it wasn't suicide, and that Cole shouldn't be so worried, The Earth Ninja can't shake the feeling that Zane isn't as fine as he seems, and tries to convince his best friend that he deservers more than the team has given him.





	You Are Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> I do not claim to be a mental health expert in any way, shape, or form. Please do not read if you feel as though the topic of suicide could negatively affect you, I don't want anyone to get hurt. This was made to fulfill my want for Glaciershipping angst, so if none of this stuff is your style, please find another, happier story. If you read, thank you for supporting my writing, and I hope this isn't terrible. Enjoy.

It was the middle of the night, and winter's bite was still as potent as ever. Zane sat on the railing of the Bounty, looking down at the world below as the ship leisurely made its way through the skies. He probably should've felt fear from staring into the black abyss, but he felt oddly calm as he watched the faint shape of trees drift past. He exhaled heavily, eyes fluttering shut as he let the tranquil night engulf him.

Not that he knew it, but he was relaxing so much that he was unconsciously leaning farther and farther over the side, until his grip began to slip from the cold, icy railing, threatening to send the almost hypnotized ninja into the inviting darkness. It would have succeeded if it weren't for a certain ninja deciding to step outside for a breath of fresh air.

"Zane! What are you-!" Cole grabbed roughly at the back of the Ice Ninja's shirt, pulling him down from the railing. Zane, not expecting someone to yank him backwards, was thoroughly startled when strong muscles hooked under his arms, catching him with his legs still hanging over the side.

"Cole?" Zane tilted his head back to look the Earth Ninja in the eyes, Cole's brown eyes frantic and shiny with unshed tears, a rush of emotions all occurring at once inside his head.

"Zane, why were you up on the railing?" He asked almost hysterically, alternate realities where he had been too late flashing through his mind. All he could focus on was how his heart was pumping, the fear he felt when he had strolled outside to see his best friend so close to falling off the edge of the ship, so close to having to collect his remains from the jagged rocks and trees below.

"I couldn't sleep, so I was enjoying the view. Why?" Zane was confused when Cole breathed a sigh of relief, looking away to try and blink the water in his eyes away.

"I- I thought..." Cole trailed off, swallowing thickly as he gently helped Zane onto his feet, stepping away just incase. "You were leaning over the side, and you looked so at peace with yourself that I thought..."

Zane suddenly understood what Cole was implying, and guilt overwhelmed him at the thought.

"Cole, you know I would never," The Ice Ninja stepped closer to his leader, and the man nodded but didn't look too reassured.

"I just- I know how you were when we met you, Zane. I thought maybe you had relapsed, and I don't think I could stand watching you _die_ ," Cole swiped away a stray tear, and the Nindroid didn't know what to do. He approached his leader with caution, wrapping his arms around the man's bulky frame.

"I didn't mean to scare you..." Zane mumbled into Cole's shoulder, the latter being a solid few inches taller. Cole hugged back with more force than normal, convincing himself that Zane was _here_ , he was still with him. He shoved down the butterflies that tried to crawl up his throat back into his stomach, where they lived every time he interacted with the Ice Ninja. They were slightly less present than normal, but watching your best friend and crush supposedly about to take a dive off the side of a railing would do that to you.

"I know, I know," Cole felt Zane burrow into his shoulder, and at this action, the ill feeling in his stomach returned, this time with full force. He was _so close_ to the Ice Ninja, he could feel his power source buzzing right below his right pectoral, nuzzling into his rib cage. It wasn't a heartbeat, but to Cole, it didn't matter. The Earth Ninja sunk down slowly, keeping the Ice Ninja encased in his arms.

"Are you alright?" Zane asked earnestly, turning his head to the side so his forehead rested under Cole's chin. "You aren't normally this... clingy."

"Sorry, is this too much?" Cole flushed, and Zane shook his head slightly, but didn't respond verbally. Cole rested his cheek on Zane's hair, which smelled of mint from the shampoo he used. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of them daring to speak, both afraid. Eventually, Zane took a deep breath.

"Cole, you do know I would never abandon you all like that, right?" Zane pulled away slightly to look Cole in the eyes, and the Earth Ninja met his gaze for a moment before responding.

"No, I don't know that." He tightened his grip around the Ice Ninja, expecting the resistance that the Nindroid gave.

"I beg your pardon?" Zane bit, his eyes brimming with hurt. "How could you accuse me of being so selfish?"

"It's not selfish, Zane. You know that. I don't know what's going on inside your head, I don't know how much you're hurting. I wish I did, but I don't," Cole felt his throat closing with emotion, and Zane slumped back into him, the fight quickly draining. "I neglected you at the beginning, we all did. We all knew not knowing your family was eating you, but we did _nothing_. I know you still haven't fully recovered, I know that your "sick days" are spent crying locked in your room, but I haven't _done_ anything," Cole was nearly sobbing by this point, trapping Zane in his grip to convince himself that the Nindroid was still here, still with him.

"You are right, Cole, the act of killing oneself is not selfish. My apologies," The Ice Ninja rubbed circles into Cole's arm in an attempt to sooth the man whose grip seemed to be tightening by the minute. "Cole, I may have my bad days, I will admit that. I have times where I would much rather lay in bed and work out my emotions than train, and I have days where I have trouble convincing myself that anything I do is worth it, that the connections I make are worthwhile. I wasn't aware that you knew of my worse times, however. I am sorry that I have caused you to feel so much pain for me."

"Don't apologize. I know you're hurting, and that's what worries me. What if you can't get yourself out of a rut one day, and you spiral too far down? I don't think I could live with myself if I let you torture yourself like that anymore," Cole buried his face into the Ice Ninja's hair, and Zane squeezed his arms a little tighter, bracing himself.

"The point of my telling you this is to explain why I am confident I won't commit suicide," Zane said rather bluntly, and Cole found himself flinching. "Every time, I convince myself that connections with the people around me are worth forming. I still crawl out of bed the next day to make breakfast, or to attempt to resume a regular eating pattern. My mind may still be hurting, but I try to break through it and come back to all of you. It may take hours or it may take days, but I pull myself out of the spiral. Life is worth it."

Zane took a deep breath, mentally steeling himself.

 _"You_ are worth it."

The two sat in silence as Cole processed this statement. There was no way, this couldn't be happening-

"Are you implying what I think you are?" The Earth Ninja lifted his gaze to meet Zane's bright blues, and they seemed to glow in the dark as Zane blinked slowly with a nod, his eyes shutting with a light squeeze as their lips met.

When Cole had fantasized about this moment, it had never involved such a heavy discussion leading up the moment. He had imagined a sunset, light breezes tousling his teammate's hair as they confessed affections. Never had he considered that it would be incredibly late, cold, biting air tearing at their skin as they poured every unsaid word through their kiss. He tried to communicate how much he cared for the Ice Ninja, how much he desperately wanted to be there to help heal the Nindroid, make up for all the time where he could've been there but wasn't.

Zane had never really thought about it, accepting that whatever happened was what was destined to be. Even if he had, he would never have conjured the scene of being held tightly in the Earth Ninja's arms after reassuring his leader that he wasn't leaving, and that he never would. Something about it was so bare, so emotional that it had the Ice Ninja shivering, and it wasn't from the frost-bitten air. He hoped Cole knew that he wasn't angry with him, that he could never blame his family for how he felt. His bad days and his depressive episodes had nothing to do with the actions of his team, and he desperately hoped Cole realized that.

When they broke, Cole taking in huffs of air, they stared in silence as their minds caught up to their actions. Cole felt a blush rise as he realized that he had just kissed Zane. Zane had confessed that he cared for Cole deeply, enough to kiss him. Which he did. On the lips. The Earth Ninja gently leaned in for a peck, coaxing a pink tinge to appear on his companion's cheeks.

"So," Cole said roughly, voice raw from emotion. "I suppose we have a lot to talk about."

"Indeed," Zane nodded, leaning back to rest his head on Cole's shoulder. "Shall we head back inside?"

"Please," The Earth Ninja stood, shivering at the sudden lack of heat from the absence of the Nindroid's body. To his satisfaction, Zane slotted himself under Cole's arm immediately, not quite willing to let go yet.

"Do you want to sleep in my room?" Zane asked quietly, almost afraid to ask, but Cole smiled.

"Of course. I would have trouble sleeping on my own after tonight anyway," The dark-skinned man pressed a light kiss on the side of Zane's head, not able to sate his newfound desire for the Ice Ninja.

Zane didn't respond, but pulled Cole gently into his room, shutting the door behind them with a soft click. They both crawled in bed, Zane splitting his pillow stash with his companion as the Earth Ninja let out a sigh of pleasure from the warm blankets settling over him.

"First of all," Cole said in a half-whisper, voice gravelly. "Are we dating? I don't want to assume anything."

"I would say we are, yes. We are dating," Zane responded in a whisper of his own, almost uncharacteristically elated. Cole involuntarily grinned as Zane smiled, tucking himself to mold to Cole's chest. At least the spooning argument was solved.

"You have no idea how happy this makes me," Cole nuzzled into his boyfriend, the word rolling around his mind like a bouncy ball, pinging off every corner with unmatched energy. "How happy you make me."

"The feeling is mutual," Zane smiled, the two content with holding each other for what seemed like an eternity.

"Secondly, are we going to tell the others? They might say that I'm playing favorites," Cole snickered, and Zane made a noncommittal noise.

"I don't see why not, unless you can think of a real risk. I haven't perceived any information that would claim that they would disapprove on anything more than a joking scale."

"When're we going to tell 'em?" Cole yawned, the warmth from the Ice Ninja making him increasingly drowsy. "Tomorrow?"

"I have no issue," Zane let his eyes flutter shut with a content sigh, and the two whispered goodnights, arms wrapped around each other tightly with no intention of letting go.


End file.
